It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to

My birthday came and went and my very dear and best friend ignored it. We are both in our mid 50's so perhaps she doesn't think it's important anymore. The thing is, I am very lonely and sensitive and she knows this. A month ago she told me that she does not acknowledge friends birthdays anymore; except for mine. We were co-workers for awhile (that’s how we met), but I got laid off. I don't understand why she would want to hurt me, especially at a time when I am having a tough time. We still talk on the phone and she still seems caring and supportive. However, anytime I mention meeting for lunch, etc. she always has an excuse. I don't have many people in my life anymore so I was looking forward to celebrating my birthday with her. Should I let it go? Should I say something? Am I making a big deal out of a meaningless birthday? ~ Still the birthday girl

Sometimes what's important to us doesn't seem to land with our friends. We feel our needs aren't met or can't be met by anyone. We have several choices. We can allow those reactions to make us feel more and more isolated in our anger and our pain or we can take stock and see what's going on. We can become curious about why the particular need is so important (celebrating our birthday) or if what's important is having a connection that's supportive and vibrant, and if it's the latter, we can turn our attentions in that direction and ask the question of ourself and our friend. What can we do that will build a true felt sense of connection? It's just possible that by holding onto a fixed idea of what "friendship" means you are cutting yourself off from what you really need. So yes, I think you should talk to your friend about why she doesn't find time for you, but do so only after you're certain that celebrating your birthday (or whatever else it is) is what you truly want. ~Alisa