Opposites Attract or Bad Boyfriend?

Dear Alisa and Gina,

My sister and I are very close. We are 29 year old identical twins and have always lived together or close by and have even run a business together.

She has been dating someone for over four years who is completely wrong for her. Everyone who loves her makes the same observation but we are mostly all too polite to let our feelings known to her.

It's not as though he is mean or hurtful, in fact he is a good boyfriend in many ways. But he lacks any intelligence or opinion, things that have always been important to my sister and still appear to be in all other facets of her life.

I acknowledged my doubts to her (stupidly, in argument) about three years ago and it just ended in an even bigger argument that got us nowhere. But since that time I have held my tongue and maintained regular contact with them both even though it drives me quietly insane. This has kept the peace but it also concerns me that I am not being true to myself or her by putting on a brave or fake persona when all I want to do is be honest with her and TALK and listen to what she has to say about it.

I am petrified that they are going to get engaged one day, I have regular nightmares about it because I honestly don't think I am going to be able to feign happiness for her if that happens, or be involved in the wedding.

I am constantly baffled that she can claim to want to be surrounded by intelligent people and then go home to a guy who is quite simply put, stupid. He's not stupid in a foolish or arrogant way but he makes no effort with her friends or family and seems happiest when he can sit in bored silence. In some ways I feel sorry for him because he is often surrounded by people who have a wide range of knowledge and opinions that don't seem to interest him. It all just baffles me so much that most of the time I'm in their company I want to scream.

My question is - should I say something? ~ Troubled Twin

Sounds like your sister’s more interested in what’s below the belt than what’s above the neckline. Maybe she needs a break from brains once in a while. Just be happy for her. ~ Gina

When I read your question, I think you know what you want and need to do, you're just not sure of how to do it. It's really scary to risk a close relationship and speak up about something so huge as what may indeed become a life partnership for your sister. So it's all the more important to make certain that your intentions are clear and that you speak from your heart. Words are very powerful and you will need to keep in mind that even if your intentions are clear and pure, the consequences of what your say may not be what you intend. Are you prepared to be "right" and impact your relationship? Can you say your piece and then in all honesty say, "but you do what you want and I'll love you and stand by you, whatever you do"? You need to walk yourself through the plan in all of its branches, sit with the possibilities and be ready. Gina may just be right. ~ Alisa