Not Home Sweet Nursing Home

Dear Alisa and Gina,

At my mom’s nursing home there are a number of staff members who aren’t always courteous to the residents. Sometimes residents are ignored, and other times I’ve seen downright nastiness. I’m afraid if I complain there will be consequences for my mother or other residents. Any suggestions? ~ Worried

Nastiness is completely unacceptable, and fear should not rule your response. If you witness an incident, speak immediately to the head administrator, the social workers and the heads of the Family Council (many nursing homes have them). Let the administrators know how you feel and what you’ve seen — and request that training be implemented to try to change behaviors.

In addition — get more involved. Join the Family Council (if there is one) or form one if there isn’t. Go out of your way to engage with the staff members who engage directly with your family member — and encourage others to do the same.

Even though bad behavior is not acceptable, it’s also important to remember that many of the people who work at nursing homes are not very well paid, may travel far to their jobs and are doing difficult work. I do believe that if we’re not part of the solution we’re part of the problem, so do what you can to help people feel that their hard work is appreciated. ~ Gina

It’s important to speak up about what’s important to you. And it’s vital that you speak up in a way that enables a solution instead of a defense. So what I like about Gina’s answer are the effective choices she offers. This isn’t telling tales to get someone in trouble, this is about being engaged in creating a solution. Working in a nursing home has got to be really hard. It’s important to respect the people who have that responsibility and to make sure that they have all the support they need in order to treat their charges well. Additionally we all need to take some responsibility for the kind of environment that exists – whether that means being involved with management or the people actually doing the work. ~ Alisa