Too Much Information

Dear Alisa and Gina,

A neighbor of mine who I would consider a casual friend started sharing news of a family trauma with a large email distribution list of “friends,” after his son was in a terrible motorcycle accident. Our friend has been issuing daily (now weekly) updates on the situation, the condition of their son etc. since the accident occurred. These emails have included, more recently pictures of the son in rehab, which will be extensive. Though the communications are less frequent than they once were, they continue to be disturbing. I realize that this communication is a kind of therapy for our neighbor. I do have sympathy for all he is dealing with and I’m glad the son is recovering. Still, I find this a pretty inappropriate amount of sharing, and even somewhat embarrassing. It forces us to bear witness to what must be very stressful, private moments and it brings up the entire questions of a relationship built on what I might call "inappropriacies." Should I say something to him? ~ Bothered

Some people feel the need to show their, and their loved ones’, wounds. (I’ve seen more gross appendectomy scars than I can count.) But that doesn’t mean you have to look. Personally, I’d be touched by your neighbor’s efforts to cope with his pain – but if it bothers you, just hit that delete button. ~ Gina

Group emails have become the norm. And it’s a convenience. But I agree it has led some people to bring close personal details into the brilliant light of common discussion. Everyone has a different tolerance and need for closeness and details. And I do sometimes wonder if our technology has given us too much ease and enabled us all to forget individual needs. All that being said, I agree with Gina- if you don’t want to receive the emails – and you don’t feel comfortable asking your friend to take you off the list, then hit delete; the other gift of technology. ~ Alisa