True Colors

Dear Alisa and Gina ~

I have a friend who must have assumed that I would be voting the same way as she did in the presidential election.  We had not discussed it because I have not seen her in a while.
She sent me some e-mails with jokes that I considered nasty and offensive about the candidate that I actually did vote for.  I was annoyed because I thought the e-mails were hateful and surprised that she would think I am the type of person who would appreciate this kind of thing.
I did not say anything because I figured this would stop. However, the election is over and today I got another e-mail from her that is offensive to me. Even if I had not voted the way I did, I find this very disrespectful and subtly racist.  She has been a good friend to me in the past so I do not want to end our friendship but I want to let her know that I do not appreciate these messages.

How should I handle this? ~ Shocked in New Jersey

It sounds to me like you are ready to speak up. By holding back your true reactions to the e-mails you’ve continued to get them. And you’ve also learned something about a friend that makes you uncomfortable. Are you concerned that speaking up might compromise your friendship? If so, who is more important to you – the other person, or yourself?  ~ Alisa

It’s always hard when someone who we consider a friend reveals her underbelly - and it doesn't jibe with our conscience. Do you still really want to be friends with someone who you consider racist? If not - reply to her latest e-mail with a note that says that you don't have much in common anymore. But, if as you say, you want to preserve the friendship then you'll have to look the other way. ~ Gina