To Speak or Not to Speak?

Dear Alisa and Gina,

 I have a dear friend who was first diagnosed with breast cancer about three years ago. She has gone through her surgery and treatment and is now on the maintenance drugs to prevent a recurrence. All in all she is “doing well.” But I worry because she hasn’t made the life changes (in how much she takes on or how many hours she works) that she says she wants. I try to be a good friend and listen and support. But I wonder if I am being too nice – does she need to be reminded to take better care of herself? ~ Concerned

It’s difficult to weigh when to step in and when to just support someone especially when they need to make a big life change. Instead of trying to guess if you should speak up, how about trying something different? Tell your friend about your concerns – but speak from a place of your feelings. It sounds like your friend is the kind of person who takes care of other people and by expressing your concern as something about you and not her – it may be easier for her to hear. If she says she’s struggling, you can ask her what she needs from you. But once you have the conversation you should try to live by the outcome even if it differs from what you want her to do.  ~ Alisa

Could be all that work she does distracts her from thinking about her health. Not the best solution, but hey, whatever’s working for her. Can you steal her for an afternoon and treat her to a spa treatment, or a pedicure, or just bring her lunch in the park? Maybe she’ll enjoy the break so much she’ll think about making a habit of it. ~ Gina