Cold Shoulders

Dear Alisa and Gina,

I have been friends with Ess for over 25 years. She stayed with my husband and me when she relocated from Alaska to Arizona after going through a nasty divorce. We have a long history and have never been out of touch in the years we've known each other. Two years ago Ess remarried someone she had not known for long that she met online. I was in the wedding. The first year she and I would get together for lunch and she said she was happy. Then, somewhat suddenly, she has all but stopped communication. I have not seen her in over a year and when I email if she would like to get together for lunch or a drink she does not respond. The little communication I've had from her has seemed stilted and distant and she says she is very busy. Do I just accept that she has moved on from the relationship now that she has remarried or do I address this directly with her and try to find out why I am suddenly no longer a part of her life?

Confused in Phoenix

What a tale. I hear a lot of sorrow in your story. You’ve had a really long and close connection through ups and downs and you’re hurt to be shut out. I think you owe it to yourself to find out what Ess’ story is. But first I want to know if you're ready to live with whatever she says? Can you let it go if she says she has too much on her plate? Be very clear with yourself about what you want to know and exactly what is acceptable to you. Then contact her and find out what she has to say. If she doesn’t respond I think you have your answer. ~ Alisa

I think there’s something yucky going on with her marriage, or her personal life, that she’s really, really embarrassed about. (Hmmm - wonder what it could be? Let's start with - she married someone who she met online and hardly knew.) Let her go – she’ll come back with an explanation when, and if, she’s ready. ~ Gina