Mouther-in-Law

Dear Alisa and Gina,

I recently went to a family wedding with my husband and his parents and we all sat at the same table. My mother-in-law, who is normally gracious and kind, chastised me out loud for giving money to the bride and groom instead of buying a gift from the registry. I felt it was none of her business, but I didn’t want to get into an argument with her. I was embarrassed and angry and feel like I should let her know. My husband thinks I should let it go. What do you think? Should I say something? ~ Still Fuming

Yeah - but it isn’t going to be easy. Still, don’t let her infantilize you. Stand up for yourself. What you give as a gift is your own business. ~ Gina

Remember, this is your husband’s mother, so his advice may be colored by his own relationship issues. You need to have your own relationship with her. So as you examine whether or not to speak up, consider what that relationship feels like right now. If you do decide that a conversation is necessary, I suggest you make a special appointment with your mother in law. In the conversation you can model for her how to bring up a concern with dignity and privacy. As you plan the conversation, consider what bothered you the most and why. From your question, it sounds like the public nature of her words was the issue. But as you consider the moment, be sure of that. To support yourself, make time to practice what you’re going to say – not so much to rehearse the exact words but to make sure that you feel comfortable with the message.  Alisa