Train Sick

Dear Alisa and Gina,

I was on the commuter train recently. A man, sitting in the row ahead of me, called his doctor and had a 15-minute conversation about his serious illness, his medications, and the nasty side effects (including diarrhea). Should I have let him know that I didn’t want to hear his conversation - that it made me feel uncomfortable - and that he clearly didn’t have boundaries? ~ Offended

He obviously wanted you (and everyone else) to hear his conversation - so telling him how you felt would have only served to engage him. Overstepping his boundaries is his way (in my opinion) of expressing anger - and your participation in that might have turned his anger on you. You were smart not to speak up. ~ Gina

I agree with Gina. There are certainly people in the world who need to display themselves – for a whole number of reasons. I think this man wanted to have other people be part of his world – so the best thing you could have done was to remove yourself from the situation or tune him out. Every day we are buffeted by all sorts of events – which we can think of as ranging from a gentle breeze- we notice it but only barely, or a strong wind – which is pushing us around. We need to be able to discern how big or small our discomfort is – and we’re really better off if we can actually notice and not respond to every small breeze. ~ Alisa