I Got the Wedding Bill Blues

Hi Alisa and Gina

My oldest daughter has become engaged and I am very happy for both of them. However, her fiancé’s parents have been divorced for some time and they are unable to even be in the same room together; their disdain for each other is alive and well! My former spouse and I are on good terms and we would like to take my daughter and future son-in-law out to dinner with my current husband and invite Mike's parents as a social gesture. My guess is that we should do this twice, inviting each parent separately. If we are making the gesture, I feel like we should pay for the meals, but two dinners out is a little pricey for us. We are not cheap, just on a very tight budget right now. Should we just swallow the expense of two getting-to-know-you meals out and do it for the happiness of our children? Thanks for your insights. I know this is just the beginning! ~ Mother-of-the-Bride-to-Be

I think you have the chance here to set the right precedent for your future relationship with a number of people. Focus on what you feel good about providing - without compromising or being too focused on what you're guessing are the concerns of others. So before you make any invitations, consider your intentions. Who do you want to celebrate? Who do you want to welcome? Who do you want to include? What's the best way to do this? If you are concerned about finances - this is a good time to be clear with everyone about that. (And I don't mean you need to cry poor, just don't set expectations unrealistically for anyone.) You want to be able to enjoy this phase of your life ~ Alisa

Why dinners out? Invite them to your home - separately as you mentioned. Don’t want to cook? Invite them for guacamole - or order a pizza. Your financial situation really doesn’t have anything to do with what you’re hoping to accomplish - which is to get to know these two - so don’t let it get in the way and cause you to feel resentment because you overextended yourself financially. ~ Gina