Truth in Vending

Dear Alisa and Gina,

I recently ordered a handmade bag from a small Internet vendor and paid in advance. Two weeks after receiving an email saying it had been shipped, I called to find out where it was. I was told that it would show up “eventually - the post office doesn’t usually lose packages.” When I called my credit card company to find out about next steps I was advised to put in a claim. Two days later I received an irate email from the bag vendor angry that I had “complained.” (I hadn’t – I simply wanted to know what I should do, and followed the credit card company’s directions.) After receiving a refund, I told the vendor that I’d certainly let her know if the bag arrived – (in which case I would send payment again) or if it didn’t I would place my order again. It never has arrived – and a friend told me that she probably never sent it in the first place. So I wonder, did she send it, did it get lost? Should I order from her again? Do I trust people too much? ~ Bag Lady

Who knows. No. Maybe.  ~  Gina

My sense is that you did the right thing; it’s not your job to take care of the vendor’s feelings. I’m wondering why you are still questioning your choice? If you really allow yourself to feel what may have motivated your call the credit card company, you may have a window into a deeply held sense that you were being had. Many of us have been socialized to ignore our gut feelings and to explain or rationalize away what our bodies are busily trying to tell us. In this case, you’ve taken on some guilt and you’re almost supporting the vendor in her story.
 
As to trusting people too much, try not to generalize your response from this situation to other interactions. But do try to spend some time learning to be more clear about what you already know. ~ Alisa