Friend in Deed

Dear Alisa and Gina,

I have a friend of five to six years that has been depressed for as long as I've known her.  She lives alone, and has alienated almost everyone in her life.  She feels underemployed, owns a co-op in the city with substantial equity, but she says it is a mess, and won't let anyone in (for at least 10 years).  Wall to wall with things purchased from tv shopping shows. She has been to psychiatrists with no help. The meds they prescribe allow her to hold a job, but not to prosper. As long as I've known her, she has talked wistfully of suicide, and once tried it (20 years ago), but woke up in a hospital, having not taken enough pills to do the job.  She is miserable, about to lose the house for non payment, and claims to be stockpiling enough pills to do the trick this time.  Should I let her pass in peace and hopefully be happy?  Or send in the authorities, so she can be miserable once she is released?  She can be very vindictive as well....What do you think? ~ Worried and Confused

The very first thing you should do is call the Suicide Hotline - 1-800-SUICIDE. Ask them what you should and shouldn't do. When you get off the phone come back. OK, here's my take. When someone tells you they're saving up pills and will eventually kill themselves, they are engaging you in their pain. I believe they want some kind of intervention. As depressed as your friend has been (and you said she tried to commit suicide 20 years ago), she managed to become friends with you just five years ago. Making friends is a positive, life-affirming action - not the action of someone who sees no value in life.The problem is neither you nor your friend knows the right way to intervene. That's why you need to call the hotline. ~ Gina

From my perspective, part of being a friend is speaking up about what you see as wrong or dangerous. So after you call the hotline, consider how you can express your concerns about your friend’s well being to her AND also take a stand that demonstrates that you don’t support her decision to commit suicide. This is a situation that really requires the intervention of trained mental health professionals. ~ Alisa