Homework Help?

Dear Alisa and Gina,

My teenager (he’s 13) doesn’t seem to have much homework. He always has time to be on the computer or with his friends, but doesn’t seem to be hitting the books. I’m afraid he’s going to get himself in a bad situation if he’s missing assignments or not studying for tests. But if I ask him about it, he brushes me off. Right now his grades are OK. Should I put my foot down and insist he show me his work? Or talk to his teachers? – Concerned Mom

 At this point, yes, I think you should bug him. It will tell him what’s important, and show him that you care. But if he were 17, I would say no. And don’t talk to his teachers. If they’re concerned they’ll call you. ~ Gina

Once you are certain what you’re really concerned about, try to address the issue in as straightforward manner as possible. Are you concerned he’ll get bad grades? Are you concerned that he’s got his own approach to how he operates? Are you projecting how you have succeeded (or failed) onto him? It’s really easy to assess a situation and react as if you were the one on the hook. So if you need quiet in order to concentrate you may be assuming that your son does too. And he might. Or he might not. So if that’s the focus, I’d suggest asking him about his process. And in the same conversation you might lay out some boundaries that you can both live by, for example you might say. “You can handle this your way, but if your grades go below xxx then we’ll have to work out something else." ~ Alisa