Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me

Dear Alisa and Gina,

 I periodically get together for lunch or a drink with a former colleague of mine. We used to have fun together, but since I started a new career, she doesn’t let me talk about it at all. She always says she’s interested in what I’m doing, but we almost always end up talking about her issues with her children or how hard she works. I feel like I always fall for her expressions of interest yet I find myself hurt and disappointed. Should I say something or should I just avoid any future get togethers? ~ Wanting Equal Time

Most relationships depend on a certain amount of stability. That can be both positive and negative. It sounds like you’re experiencing the negative side of it. Your friend’s status quo has been upset by your change of career. And perhaps the change you’ve made challenges some choice(s) she’s made consciously or otherwise. What’s important here is for you to find environments which support the “new” you. So I say, don’t seek her company. And if you think you’ll be meeting up with her, plan for it. Depending on the kind of relationship you have had and you want to have in the future you may want to express your disappointment about the kind of friendship she’s offered you. Or you may just be willing to walk away. ~Alisa

Drop her. You describe her as a former colleague – rather than a current friend. I think that speaks volumes. ~ Gina