Heart to Heart

Dear Alisa and Gina,

My husband and I agreed not to get each other Valentine’s Day gifts this year– but plan to go out to dinner instead. But this past Christmas we said the same thing, and my husband got me gifts anyway. And I felt badly because I stuck with our agreement and didn’t get him anything.

So with Valentine’s Day coming up, should I buy him something anyway, because he might buy me something? Should I stick with our agreement? Or should I say something? ~ Confused

Your question is interesting. You say you felt badly. Did your husband? Are you reacting to what he may have said or are you creating a story around how you might have felt? Sorting out where your reaction starts can help clarify how to act in the future. My recommendation is that you move forward with what feels right to you – as clear of drama that you’ve concocted as you can. So that might mean, buying a card or writing a paragraph to him about what your relationship means to you. And then if he gets you a present, you have a conversation about what the agreement not to buy really meant or might mean in the future. ~ Alisa

Buy lingerie for yourself. Then, if he gets you a gift, tell him he’ll get his later. And if he doesn’t get you a gift, well, what the heck, wear it anyway. ~ Gina