Stepping In

Dear Alisa and Gina,

Due to some mental health issues and child neglect on the part of my husband's former wife, my husband has received full custody of his children (ages 15, 13 and 9). We will be picking them up in a few days in North Carolina to bring them back to live with us full time in Michigan. I have made many attempts over the years to establish at least a civil relationship with my stepchildren's mom, but she is very unpredictable and inconsistent in her responses to me. I am not looking forward to this encounter with her and have been advised to record any conversation. Any suggestions for both a mindset and what I should say, or be sure not to say? Thank you. ~ Stepmom in Michigan

In this situation I think you should not say something. Instead, keep your attention on your own reactions to the encounter and keep your comments to a minimum. Since you welcome supporting your husband and welcome the children, that’s what you can focus on, and try to avoid any direct conversations with the ex-wife. In fact, I would think you might suggest to your husband that you not be placed in a situation where you might be alone with her. ~ Alisa

Despite her mental problems and the missing filter between her brain and her mouth, this woman is going through a terrible time. She’s losing her kids. Muster up as much compassion as you can, but keep your guard up as well. And I agree with Alisa–don’t say anything. ~ Gina