Friend in Need

Dear Alisa and Gina,

I have a really good friend who went through a painful break up with a long-term boyfriend several years ago. The break up was drawn out and at one point she was going to go back to him even though he treated her rather badly, but I counseled her against it. Shortly after that she developed what has become a large-scale fantasy relationship with a very well known actor. She travels to all sorts of places where she knows he’s shooting a movie. She’s a serious amateur photographer and she takes pictures. All she talks about is meeting him. Whenever any of our group of friends attempts to talk to her about the situation, she shuts down. What should I say? ~ Worried Friend

Ask her if you can have his autograph. Get one for me, too.

Seriously though, this woman is clearly delusional and I’m not sure anything you say is going to stick.  I mean, you and I both know she needs professional counseling, but she shuts down when you talk to her. She doesn’t want to hear from you – and since you’ve already expressed your concern to her, it’s time to back off. (But if she seems dangerous, notify the authorities.) ~ Gina

I guess the question is really how much do you want to stay friends with her? If you are truly interested in her, being her friend may require being with her and accepting her current focus. If you emphasize how you feel, not saying “you” but sticking with “I” you may be able to build back some trust. Tell her you miss her. Tell her you’d like to be able to hang out the way you used to. If she feels she has a friend to turn to, she may open up again. ~ Alisa