Money From Mom

Dear Alisa and Gina,

I am the financial advisor (i.e., I write the checks) for my blind mother. This year alone, my sister has borrowed more than $12, 000 from my mother. (She has some real financial issues.) I would like to suggest to my mother that she give my sister a promissory note (at least), since I think my sister doesn't have any idea how great the total is. Even my mother is vague about it. I'm feeling that I'm in a very awkward position what with all the sibling stuff plus with financial issues of my own. Any advice? ~  a member of the "If we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist" family

My main question for you is: what is the intent behind your desire to speak up? Do you make the decisions about what checks are written or are you merely the scribe? Do you have concerns from a legal or fiduciary point of view? Or are you just a bit annoyed that your sister is getting help from your mother and you aren’t? I think it’s really important to be clear on the core point of your message or action before you move forward.  Maybe you have a bit of each of those concerns? Once you are clear you will be more able to act from a place of truth. ~ Alisa

If your mother can afford it, and it’s not going to hurt her financial future, stay out of it - it’s between them.  ~ Gina