Friend-shifts

Dear Alisa and Gina,

I had a big falling out with a friend last winter. We both said some nasty things. I tried patching things up and apologized several times, in writing and in phone messages.  She never responded. Now when we see each other in public, I say hi but she doesn't make eye contact and ignores me.  Should I say something or should I just let it go? ~ Friend In Need

One very important and often overlooked aspect of an apology is addressing how you may have contributed to the initial situation. If you haven’t said that yet, you might consider one more attempt to convey your heartfelt sorrow at the outcome, how you contributed to the situation and what you want to do in the future. But you must also be ready to hear is whatever your friend may have to say. ~ Alisa

My advice: move on. Or, as my 83-year-old mother says, “Who needs her? " Just try to be forgiving of yourself – it sounds like you need your friend to respond to you in order for you to make peace with what happened. You’ll just have to make peace with it for your own well being. You obviously feel terrible about this – but you’re in good company. Everyone has a bit of remorse about something. Unless they’re sociopaths. ~ Gina