New Year's Convolution

Dear Alisa and Gina,

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to be more patient. But I’m having a hard time knowing when I’m being patient and when I’m being stepped on. For example, I was at a store doing some post-holiday shopping, and while in line the woman in front of me steps away from the register (where her stuff is being rung up) and goes to find another item that was on sale. The cashier has already started the transactions so she can’t, or won’t stop, and the woman is taking forever to come back. When she finally gets back, she doesn’t even apologize and I’m standing there fuming, and feeling bad about it because I feel like I’ve lost my patience resolution already. So, should I have said something? ~ Wrestling with What’s Right

You’re worrying about what’s right – but clearly the person who kept you waiting wasn’t. Problem is, there are a lot of people like that – and you have to decide if it’s worth raising their consciousness or not. There are always going to be people who “do the right thing” and people who “don’t give a damn” and all of us will fall into one category or another depending on circumstances, and others’ perceptions. So, unless your dog/mother/baby was locked in your car, or your in-laws were waiting at home eagerly awaiting your return, I would say this is a good time to practice your patience resolution while rolling your eyes at the consistent inconsideration of “some people.” ~ Gina

The thing about resolutions is what we expect. If we expect that by stating a resolve our behavior and the world will change we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and ongoing suffering. If, instead, we can think of a resolution more in the shape of an intention to practice a new behavior we can really start on a path to a different experience of being in the world. That may sound lofty but in fact, the woman in the store is a great teacher for you. She has given you an opportunity to explore your reaction. How would it be if the next time you experience such a situation (for you surely will) you watch your breathing and consciously try to focus all of your attention on that one thing? What you might find is that the mere fact of moving your attention frees up a huge amount of energy. You may even find yourself looking for the longest line to get more practice. ~ Alisa