Should I Say or Should I Go?

Dear Alisa and Gina ~

I have an ex-childhood friend who I cut ties with over a year ago (after several years of dealing with her codependency, passive aggressiveness, dishonesty, spitefulness). I have moved on from a life that used to be filled with drama, to a home with a man I love, whom I am about to marry (and whom she tried to "chase off" like the last three men in my life before him). To put it lightly, after years of problems, things did not end well between us.

Three days ago I received a distraught voice message from her-crying hysterically, asking my forgiveness, saying she's "all alone" (which I take to mean that her awful boyfriend finally broke up with her.). I have zero desire to contact her in return. Our friendship is over and I want it to stay that way.

However, I have some great memories with this girl that are tugging at my heart, and am concerned about her mental stability. Since I've known her and her family my whole life, would it be inappropriate for me to contact her parents and let them know that I am very concerned about her? I just don't want to sit back and do nothing, only to find out she did something harmful to herself.

Help me! I don't know what to do. ~ Co-Dependent No More

Speaking from a nearly identical experience (I can't believe you know her too!) I did contact my friend's mother to say I was concerned. And her mother thanked me - and asked me not to leave her daughter's life (which I did anyway because of almost all the reasons you mentioned.)

So, yes, you can say you're concerned for your friend. It's a kind and caring thing to do, and might just be the wake-up call they need. And it might help her get the help she needs. Just be prepared. If it gets back to her - your friend might be very angry. And her parents might thank you, or might blame you for being part of the problem for abandoning her (which you did not do but sometimes things get twisted.) Good luck. Write back and let us know what you decide. ~ Gina

It’s OK to protect yourself from toxic people and relationships. Your warmth and consideration shine through. And your solution is a very good one. ~ Alisa