Holidazed

Dear Alisa and Gina,

During this past holiday season I experienced a lot of stress, yet I saw other couples who were stress free. I feel I don’t get enough help and that I am more invested in the special holiday experience. So I’m the one who ends up buying the gifts, planning the parties, cooking for family and friends – and I don’t get a lot of help from my husband. I don’t want to do less, I just want him to help more. ~ Overwhelmed, Underhelped

I think it’s time to ask yourself: “What has the greatest impact on my stress level? Is it expectations - for myself, for what needs to be done, what others’ roles should be, and what I want the experience to be like?” So much anger and frustration can be tied right back to that desire a mind reader, or a prince on the white stallion to swoop in and save the day. Instead of that fantasy you can decide to only take on what’s reasonable and when you want or need help, provide a clear “to-do” list in advance. ~ Alisa

Those other couples you mentioned – the “stress-free” ones. They’re lying, faking it, covering it up. Everyone is stressed out, or just tuckered out during the holidays. This past Thanksgiving (13 people at my house) my legs swelled so much from all the shopping, schlepping, cooking, etc. that I ended up in the doctor’s office that Sunday with ankles that looked like water balloons. Beige water balloons. With spider veins.

So here’s my advice: Put your feet up more. Do less. Hire help. Bribe your kids to help. And as for gifts, order them online. ~ Gina