No Thank Yous

Dear Alisa and Gina,

I really try to be a good long-distance aunt, but I am getting tired of sending gifts during the holidays and birthdays and not getting a thank you! At what age can I stop sending presents? My nieces and nephews are getting older (22, 19 and then it drops to the little ones - 7,5, 2s) and I think there must be a cut-off point. - Tired of No Thanks

You’re not the victim, you’re the gift giver. You decide when you’re done. But first, here are some things to consider. People say thank you and write thank-you notes often because of how their own parents behave. Is your issue with your nieces/nephews or your siblings? Have you ever mentioned how much you’d like to hear whether they received the gift and whether it was something they liked? And finally, why do you give gifts? Once you investigate your own motivations and intentions, your action will become clear. ~ Alisa

How about sending a note to the older kids several weeks before the holidays, inviting them to choose a charity (give them a short list) and then making a donation on their behalf? (If they don't choose, you choose.) Then you will have given a gift, it will go somewhere where it will be greatly appreciated, and your nieces and nephews will receive fundraising mail for the rest of their lives. ~ Gina