Parent Trap

Dear Alisa and Gina ~

My friend recently told me that her husband is really worried about his parents who still live alone in their home (on the other coast) despite an array of health issues and the fact that they are in their 90s. The parents stubbornly refuse help and refuse to move to assisted living or closer to family. My friend’s husband is periodically resigned to whatever may befall them and occasionally really torn up and involved. His latest period of involvement and concern had him worrying aloud that he and his wife may have to move cross-country to move in and care for the aging couple. While this move would be unwelcome to all parties concerned, I really don’t know what to say when I hear my friend’s story. Should I encourage her to speak up – should I encourage her to seek professional assistance for her spouse, his parents or herself? Or should I just stay out of it? ~ Concerned

Don’t stay out of it - but don’t offer advice. Just listen. It sounds like she needs your ear. ~ Gina

Here’s a suggestion, ask your friend what kind of response she would like. Often we carry around this question of what should I say when it can so easily be handled by a simple inquiry: such as  “how can I help you the most?”  I know most of us weren’t raised to respond in so direct a manner, but it is helpful to your friend to move away from worries and fears into concrete action. ~Alisa