Noxious Neighbor

Dear Alisa and Gina,

I have a neighbor across the street. She never phones; she just comes over at all hours, 10 p.m., etc. She pours her heart out, “I’m leaving my husband and kids…” or the next night she’ll say, “I’m not leaving them.” She expects advice each time. I feel like I’m at an emotional tennis match. How do I handle her coming unannounced? How do I handle the requests for advice? By the way, months can go by when I don’t see her at all and then suddenly, constant contact. ~ Worn Out

It sounds like you’re trying to be a good friend, being available and listening. Sometimes you need to assert your boundaries. You could say at another time that you need warning before a visit or that you can’t talk after 10 p.m. or even that you don’t want to hear some of what you’re being told. Perhaps you might want to suggest professional help for your neighbor? What’s important here is that you hold onto your “self” in the waves of emotion that come at you. ~ Alisa

How about a “Not Welcome” mat? ~ Gina