Itemizing

Dear Alisa and Gina,

My husband always refers to certain possessions as “his items” or, when it comes to my things “your ‘items’” even though we have been married for 15 years. The one thing that really irks me is his reference to “his car” (which is 18 years old) and “my car” which we purchased six years ago. I have asked him to stop many times, but he still does it. What do I do? ~ Not Possessive

I don’t get the problem. “His car” is 18 years old, and “your car” is only six? Sounds like you ended up the winner. You could just ignore him – think of it as a quirk. Or, do what my mother did. When the kids are being really bad, refer to them as “your children.” And when they’re being adorable, refer to them as “mine.” ~ Gina

This could be very deep or it could just be a personality quirk. I know very generous people who have this speech habit deeply ingrained and it doesn’t mean anything. However, without talking about it, you can’t know that for sure. Before you have that conversation I suggest you take some time to investigate what is bothering you about his language. Do you feel excluded, forgotten, attacked? When you do have the conversation be sure to tell him how it makes you feel. Don’t ask him to stop, just let him know it hurts you and try to give him some insight into why. ~Alisa